Cinema-rama: Stuart González

Hi, Stuart here.

Patrick asked me to pick five films off the top of my head that "speak to me." Well, it's an ambiguous enough request, right? Right. And while I don't share Patrick's thoughts and opinions on film I respect his right to hold them... but seriously, man, David O. Russell is not good. Did you even WATCH I *heart* Huckabees? Whatever. "There's glass between us." I think Jude Law should've choked that bitch then and there. Anything to end that nauseating, meaningless pseudo-intellectual claptrap, that suffocating morass of zen buddhist bullshit philosophy and existentialism (still perverted by intellectual midgets the world over) (¡¡¡¡¡¡!!!!!!)...

So here are five films that I think are cool:

The Lost Boys (1987)
Mac & Me (1988)
Flatliners (1990)
The Doom Generation (1995)
SLC Punk (1998)

I must confess that this list was carefully thought out. These are, in my estimation, the best films that came out between the end of the Falklands War and 9/11. Okay... fine. Between 1987 and 2001. Why? Because he didn't ask me about established classics or anything A.T.S.S (After The Sixth Sense) A.K.A. The worst movie ever.

So. I picked The Lost Boys because it was so obviously the inspiration for the brilliant and regrettably/predictably understated Twilight series. The books. They rule. Not the movies. Those are shit. Robert Pattinson isn't that pretty. And he hates Mexicans.

I picked Mac & Me because it is a nostalgic reminder of my early childhood. Except our family was a lot poorer and McDonald's always made me puke. A lot of 80's film critics dismissed it as a poor man's ET but that's bullshit. Mac & Me did what ET failed to do: highlight the Reagan era in a positive, go AMERICA (¡!), yay capitalism (¡!) light.

I picked Flatliners because come on (¡!) it's a veritable all-star affair. Pre-24 Kiefer Sutherland, Julia Roberts before she got old, Oliver Platt (underrated actor), Kevin Bacon (the guy's in everything!), and a young Hope Davis. Anyway, this movie rocks on concept alone. Sure, perhaps it's not "scientifically sound," but who importa? Huh? ¿Quién le importa? Nadie. So shut it. It's the movies and movies is magic, man!

I picked The Doom Generation for no other reason than it was the first time I ever saw Rose McGowan on screen. So what is it? Writer/Director Gregg Araki calls it a "heterosexual film," but I think of it more as a hedonist affair with sex between consenting adults. Essentially, the film is centered on an insular, loosely defined dystopian society where everything costs $6.66 and all convenience store proprietors rock sawed-offs. Between the nubile, sexy McGowan, her dumb-ass boyfriend, and a psychotic miscreant (who fucks them both): lots of booze is consumed, many cigarettes are smoked and many enemies are made.

The dialogue is ridiculously corny and sometimes funny (whereas the shit that spews from mouths in Tank Girl is not), but the bloodshed is regular, and sex scenes take up a good half hour of the picture's 82 minute runtime (for retards, that is 1 hr 22 minutes). So it's a Clinton era classic to be sure.

The cinematography is artful and raw both at once, and the set and costume design are a great compliment. The film would almost qualify as a noir if it weren't for the lack of a real plot.

Anyway, the bonus is that 90's "indie queen" Parker Posey shows up, and if you aren't paying attention, you miss it. She brandishes a sword in one of the greatest bar scenes that don't involve drunks ever.

I picked SLC Punk because I am a punk at heart. Sure, I don't dress like it... mainly because my dad made some comments about zoot suits when he saw me in uniform, but also because it's so expensive to look punk. It's a prevailing irony. You can't be a punk on a budget, you end up getting lumped with the grunge guys.

Anyway, SLC is one of those films that really makes me laugh. You could probably say that it takes itself too seriously and completely vaporizes all the "soft-targets" of the punk subculture, but you can also say that this movie also teaches us things about Utah that we could never possibly want to know. I bet the filmmakers holed themselves in this little room: "Yeah... NYC Punk is a little obvious, though, right? I mean, it is the birthplace of the movement (if you're not a European pansy)."

So yeah. Take all these stereotypes of the punk ethos, throw them somewhere miserable and ridiculous like Salt Lake City and "bombs away!"

Laughter ensues.

Makes for a great subversive movie experience.

So fuck off if you disagree.