death. Or something like it.

So we die.

Not meaning to sound fatalistic but let's face it, it's true. When I died it wasn't at all like I expected. I've had what you may call a bad life. Beaten and abused. Wishing for death. But just not quite hitting the mark. I guess I just wasn't serious enough for it.
I honestly don't remember dying. Of course I know that I died, or else this would just be bullshit. But, I seriously can't remember my actual death.

I just died one day.

I woke up and I was dead.

A coronary or something. Apparently doing a shit load of drugs will actually come back and get you several years later.

I just woke up one morning and I was dead.

Or didn't wake up.

Whatever.

All I know is that I woke beside myself.

I was pretty sure this was just a dream, but it still freaked me out.

My body just lying there.

All pale.

Not white guy pale. Just not right.

Then some asshole puts his hand on my shoulder and says, "It's time to go."

I turn around and some Robert Smith looking asshole is giving me these sad eyes, just staring at me.

Just staring, like I'm supposed to just go along with it.

"Listen you emo fuck, I don't know how new you are to this gig, but you fucked up."

Those sad, sad eyes.

"Listen, I'm know you're just doing your job, and normally I would just accept that, but this seems like a fuck up on your part, man."

Those sad, sad eyes.

"Look. I try to kill myself on an almost daily basis. We've never met, but trust I've gone through this plenty of times before. Normally I'd just go with you, but I didn't do anything tonight. Honest. You've got the wrong guy. I'm Adam Strange; born Joe Adam Hernandez. I drink and smoke pot. But last I checked you can't OD off that."

It is your time.

"But this is ridiculous. I know I didn't try to kill myself tonight and I didn't even do anything close to it. At least tell me how I died."

It is your time."Ya, and I'll accept that and go with you quietly if you just tell me how I fucking died, okay."Around this time a bunch of other unnatural motherfuckers started showing up, looking all angelic and shit.
"Look I know you're just trying to do your job, but this seems kind of crazy. If I died, just tell me what I died of. Come on don't I have a right to know?"
The other grim assholes started off with the whole, "It's your time," line.

"Cool! Cool! Just, can't one of you tell me what the fuck killed me?"

I noticed some worry in their faces, so I pressed the issue.

"Come on. If I died just take me. No problem. I want to die, but this just doesn't make since. If I'm dead why can't any of you tell me exactly what killed me."

Next thing you know I was in my, already cold body, watching these assholes argue, except I couldn't hear a word.

Many of the the other spirits turned away and disappeared. The main spirit and one other stayed.

I was back out off my body.

You may live.

"What?"

It is not your time."But what about what that asshole said?"

Hey buddy, you do drugs and drink like a fish. You're a fucking alcoholic and could die any day. You're just lucky I don't bring you in today. I'll get you, dirtbag."

Next thing you know, I woke up in a hospital. The doctors said I was lucky to be alive and I had a coronary. No one believes my story, but I know that self righteous asshole is still out there. And you know what. This shot is for him.

Dickweed.