Scary Messican Gangsta Dude

I don't care about permissions or any of that shit. This scene is gold. The movie is even golder.

That aside, I have been considering some things. At one point I was thinking, "oh hell, I'm gonna move to Mexico, be a bullfighter (note: I almost wrote bullshitter; don't need to go to Mexico to be that!)," but then I realized that I am such a whitewashed Mexican that it'd make more sense if Patrick did that. I say, "gwakamoley." He uses the accent. I think he does it around me to be a prick. I tell him, "when you do that, it's like... your sister fucking machinations are becoming vividly clear, guero."

But whatever.

Then I thought, "hey, I'll finally sit down and write the great American novel." But I don't have the dedication or attention span for that shit. I'll settle for a cover story in the Observer. Make up some shit about being a bullfighter. Take some photos of me in a sombrero with a bottle of mezcal in my paws, taming a mechanical bull. I'll even sing the Jarabe Tapatío! Humor isn't usually their "stock-in-trade" for cover stories, but I think it'd be awesome.

I considered starting a band. I like to sing and swagger in the shower, so I figured it would translate. Well, I got in line for American Idol and had my dreams subsequently crushed. Not by Simon or or any of those other fucks, but by the people in line with me! They thought I was so awful. They couldn't even hide their contempt. Little kids were covering their ears and crying. So I flipped 'em all off, told 'em to go fuck themselves (especially the kids), and went to a bar where I drank myself stupid.

Currently I'm working on some drawings. I'll put those up soon, see what peeps think.

Re: dumpster readings, I've decided that the final reading will be downtown. They don't know it. Yet. But I will be joined by Patrick and Adam (of the Strange variety). I don't know when, but it will happen.

As the great philosopher Al Green said,

"Let's Stay Together."

Cinema-rama: Stuart González

Hi, Stuart here.

Patrick asked me to pick five films off the top of my head that "speak to me." Well, it's an ambiguous enough request, right? Right. And while I don't share Patrick's thoughts and opinions on film I respect his right to hold them... but seriously, man, David O. Russell is not good. Did you even WATCH I *heart* Huckabees? Whatever. "There's glass between us." I think Jude Law should've choked that bitch then and there. Anything to end that nauseating, meaningless pseudo-intellectual claptrap, that suffocating morass of zen buddhist bullshit philosophy and existentialism (still perverted by intellectual midgets the world over) (¡¡¡¡¡¡!!!!!!)...

So here are five films that I think are cool:

The Lost Boys (1987)
Mac & Me (1988)
Flatliners (1990)
The Doom Generation (1995)
SLC Punk (1998)

I must confess that this list was carefully thought out. These are, in my estimation, the best films that came out between the end of the Falklands War and 9/11. Okay... fine. Between 1987 and 2001. Why? Because he didn't ask me about established classics or anything A.T.S.S (After The Sixth Sense) A.K.A. The worst movie ever.

So. I picked The Lost Boys because it was so obviously the inspiration for the brilliant and regrettably/predictably understated Twilight series. The books. They rule. Not the movies. Those are shit. Robert Pattinson isn't that pretty. And he hates Mexicans.

I picked Mac & Me because it is a nostalgic reminder of my early childhood. Except our family was a lot poorer and McDonald's always made me puke. A lot of 80's film critics dismissed it as a poor man's ET but that's bullshit. Mac & Me did what ET failed to do: highlight the Reagan era in a positive, go AMERICA (¡!), yay capitalism (¡!) light.

I picked Flatliners because come on (¡!) it's a veritable all-star affair. Pre-24 Kiefer Sutherland, Julia Roberts before she got old, Oliver Platt (underrated actor), Kevin Bacon (the guy's in everything!), and a young Hope Davis. Anyway, this movie rocks on concept alone. Sure, perhaps it's not "scientifically sound," but who importa? Huh? ¿Quién le importa? Nadie. So shut it. It's the movies and movies is magic, man!

I picked The Doom Generation for no other reason than it was the first time I ever saw Rose McGowan on screen. So what is it? Writer/Director Gregg Araki calls it a "heterosexual film," but I think of it more as a hedonist affair with sex between consenting adults. Essentially, the film is centered on an insular, loosely defined dystopian society where everything costs $6.66 and all convenience store proprietors rock sawed-offs. Between the nubile, sexy McGowan, her dumb-ass boyfriend, and a psychotic miscreant (who fucks them both): lots of booze is consumed, many cigarettes are smoked and many enemies are made.

The dialogue is ridiculously corny and sometimes funny (whereas the shit that spews from mouths in Tank Girl is not), but the bloodshed is regular, and sex scenes take up a good half hour of the picture's 82 minute runtime (for retards, that is 1 hr 22 minutes). So it's a Clinton era classic to be sure.

The cinematography is artful and raw both at once, and the set and costume design are a great compliment. The film would almost qualify as a noir if it weren't for the lack of a real plot.

Anyway, the bonus is that 90's "indie queen" Parker Posey shows up, and if you aren't paying attention, you miss it. She brandishes a sword in one of the greatest bar scenes that don't involve drunks ever.

I picked SLC Punk because I am a punk at heart. Sure, I don't dress like it... mainly because my dad made some comments about zoot suits when he saw me in uniform, but also because it's so expensive to look punk. It's a prevailing irony. You can't be a punk on a budget, you end up getting lumped with the grunge guys.

Anyway, SLC is one of those films that really makes me laugh. You could probably say that it takes itself too seriously and completely vaporizes all the "soft-targets" of the punk subculture, but you can also say that this movie also teaches us things about Utah that we could never possibly want to know. I bet the filmmakers holed themselves in this little room: "Yeah... NYC Punk is a little obvious, though, right? I mean, it is the birthplace of the movement (if you're not a European pansy)."

So yeah. Take all these stereotypes of the punk ethos, throw them somewhere miserable and ridiculous like Salt Lake City and "bombs away!"

Laughter ensues.

Makes for a great subversive movie experience.

So fuck off if you disagree.

Living up to what you replace: Why I Fucking Hate What I'm Seeing on Good Latimer

Why I Fucking Hate What I'm Seeing on Good Latimer

By Patrick Patterson-Carroll

People have argued about art since the birth of the artist, which was followed shortly by the birth of the critic. If you've seen History of the World Part 1, you probably get that reference. If not, I'm afraid there's no help for you.

Cut to:

I have been a Dallas resident for the bulk of my existence. Dallas is one of those cities that, for someone who has lived here long enough, you really want to love but you can't help but hate. You hate the weather. You hate the city government. You think--

Isn't that annoying? When you read something, and the author is telling YOU what emotions YOU are shifting through?

Anyway, bad thesis statement aside, what I want to write about is our long gone, beloved, "Good Latimer" tunnel that was destroyed a couple of years ago to make room for another train station-- another step in DART's plans for expansion and eventual conquest of the world via North Texas-- and what they have added in an attempt to quell the public's desire to have the tunnel replaced with something beautiful.

Exposition:

Because I am a terrible journalist, I can't highlight the historical significance of Deep Ellum to a T, but it was the site of a Southern Renaissance that ran concurrent with the Harlem Renaissance in the '20's and '30's. Most of the great blues and jazz artists played Deep Ellum at some point.

Any cursory internet search can supply one with that kind of information, but like many others here, I have my own experiences of the area which I shall imbue with the proper sentiment of "nostalgia" if you get me in conversation.


But it kind of boils down to this:

Of course, aside from some killer live shows at Tree's (I was always there when The Dillinger Escape Plan brought their shows to D/FW), which was one of my favorite venues, and my memories of getting blasted in whatever bar (I think the most fucked up I ever got was at St. Pete's Dancing Marlin: a restaurant)-- but honestly demands that I admit that I've had way more fun on Cedar Springs when it comes to just getting completely loaded and meeting/talking to girls-- tranny jokes are welcome; in fact, I insist-- I think what I dug most about the area was the idea. Especially the artistic idea-- accumulation/collaboration-- , of which the "Good Latimer" tunnel was perhaps the best respresentation. Deep Ellum, ideally, is one of the best things about being a Dallasite.

However, the reality isn't so pretty. The reality is that the tunnel is gone...

it was a haven for grafitti artists. Some were good, others not as much. But it was the expression that counted. This wasn't gang banger scribbling or artless tagging shit, either. Well, there was some, but just fucking believe me, okay? Here, look at some pictures (the mating call of the terrible journalist*):

http://www.flickr.com/groups/goodlatimermurals/

These photos have been gathered for perpetuity to facilitate the demand for nostalgia, which, for Dallasites who live and work in the area, has to be flooding back. In the last couple of weeks, the DART station on Good Latimer has been gradually unveiling (though not officially) the pieces of artwork that are to make the station "Ellum friendly." One is on the east side of Good Latimer on Swiss Ave. and the other is on the west side on Gaston Ave..

Apparently it's a three piece:

http://www.nbcdfw.com/news/local/DART-spends-more-than-a-1-million-on-art-despite-fare-hike.html?corder=&pg=1

Perhaps I'm being hasty considering the project has not yet come to completion, but these pieces look like monstrosities. They appear to be aluminum or steel, and while they tie together a unifying theme, the fact that they are not in the same vein as the original works that were removed reeks of corporate plasticity (Strange talks about this often, and I think what I'm seeing-- doubtless what anyone else who drives, walks, or rides a bus through that section is seeing-- is conformation of this). I suppose we should thank DART for making an attempt to replace what they've shamelessly destroyed, and maybe it will, in the long term, bring Deep Ellum "back to life," but for now, I think it looks like shit, and I don't have a lot of hope for an aesthetic improvement.

If anyone else has any insight or information as regards this project please comment. I'm interested in getting all the info I can.

*I'm not knocking photojournalism, by the way. Gordon Parks was an amazing photographer, and he was one of my favorites.