Everything I Know About Silence

“Everything I Know About Silence”

By Patrick Patterson-Carroll

Everything I know about silence I learned from the dogged, unflagging (screaming redundant!) pursuit of love/that awkward time in a young man’s life full of moments/the negation, the ultimate denial of feeling, standing alone in a hallway or cafeteria or on a street corner. Everything I know about silence I learned from AIM conversations on a compy with a bad soundcard. Everything I know about silence I learned from reading books in the park. Everything I know about silence I learned from acquiescence due to a lack of information/refusal to update myself on current events. Everything I know about silence I learned from texting with the phone on vibrate. Everything I know about silence I learned from libraries. Everything I know about silence I learned from the crash after the party. Everything I know about silence I learned from getting completely intellectually stumped by some (haha) anomalous detail, complexity. Everything I know about silence I learned from the girls I never approached for fear of rejection. Everything I know about silence I learned from my dad, who I never called and rarely wrote. Everything I know about silence I learned from walking alone. Everything I know about silence I learned from skipping school, estranged from what I perceived had estranged me. Everything I know about silence I learned from contrasts. Everything I know about silence I learned from the noise that saturates every interaction with my contemporaries. Everything I know about silence I learned from college roomates and language barriers. Everything I know about silence I learned from using foreign idioms in everyday language. Everything I know about silence I learned from chatting drunkenly at persons with sober disinterest, possible disdain. Everything I know about silence I learned from silent movies. Everything I know about silence I learned from pillows that refuse, due to their inanimate nature, to critique my kisses. Everything I know about silence I learned from the girl who never defended me. Everything I know about silence I learned from open mic nights and mute hecklers. Everything I know about silence I learned from the non-functional jukebox at her favorite McDonalds. Everything I know about silence I learned from all those things said in my absence. Everything I know about silence I learned from those discomfited seconds after sex with the looks and gestures and the voiceless questioning. Everything I know about silence I learned from watching others read what I've written. Everything I know about silence I learned from the voice that could ever so slyly hide in my head.

But more importantly, because as time pushes forward and I become and more and more opinionated and cynical toward the motivations of the world at large,

Everything I know about silence I know because I-am-never-fucking-silent!

(2009)